Hello, how long will you stay?

I have been crying for weeks…

I looked at my baby and started to cry. “Sorry, I should have know…”. Took us years to finally get pregnant and all we wanted was the best we could provide.

Private hospital with nurses who are well experienced in guiding us with breastfeeding. Medical instruments to reduce the hard lumps on the breast. Nurses helped with breast massage. Thankful to all their kindness and patience.

Yes, we were at VVIP room. However, the nurses genuinely cared about the baby and mom. I believed they would do the same for all mothers and babies. Nurses massaged hard on my breasts to remove the blockage. Nurses and I were in sweat while baby crying hard for milk. Husband stayed by my side.

I was in so much pain but I held on. I delivered my baby naturally with only laughing gas. When my Personal Trainer asked how was labour, I said,”It was bearable”.

I hold on my tears as I breastfeed and continued to manage the blockage on my breasts. Nurses told me I am so brave and strong. I started to cry. One of the nurses told me she is a mother of 2 and I was one of the strongest patients she met in her 20 years of working.

All I know is I need to get the breastmilk up and running. Everyone was there to help.

Apparently, they are people who cried and yelled at nurses. Nurses are helping me, I was trying my best to work with them. All for the baby. Besides, yelling does not help.

Nurses were so kind and checked on me and baby after 2 weeks.

The first nanny we hired was dismissed within a week. The agent was incompetent. I should have known… How he did not keep clients’ details private. He was showing off one of his clients who is a billionaire. He even showed his picture etc.

After dismissing the nanny, the agent continued to provide service. We should have rejected. Then, bad things wouldn’t have happened to my baby.

We were struggling with breastmilk after discharged so we engaged a lactation consultation who has been a great help. She came up with the feeding and sleep schedule for the baby and how much amount of milk to drink in a day.

We also hired a maternity night nurse to help with night feeding and sleep training.

Baby has been sleeping through the night since 5 months old.

Was always told to trust your mother’s instinct. Never understood till now.

Before becoming a mom, I just thought babies are cute but I never held them because they are so fragile. I believe all moms do not like their babies to be carried by non-moms or non-childcare professionals. Honestly, do not touch babies unless you got the permission to.

I become less emotional as I become older. When I first met my baby, I had no connection. My connection grew as I took care of him. My values of raising my kid is respect. Being a mom does not mean I am always right. I like to give him space to grow and find himself. Make mistake and learn.

Of course, discipline is a must. He needs to understand actions and consequences. I do not believe in shouting or emotional blackmailing. He is too young? It is always good to start from young. Actions speak louder than words.

Before I became a mom, I have seen how my friends’ kids were hitting at their mom, biting and even say “I hate you”.

I was shocked and angry. I looked at my friends’ expressions, there were no anger. In fact, they were calm. I never understood how and why until I experienced this myself.

My son bit me so hard while I asked him not to bite on the crib…

I had no anger but just thinking how to teach him not to bite anyone. I guess it is also Mother Nature. Once you give birth, you would be more maternal… All those hormones will help you to feel more. At least for me.

I have been crying a lot. Devastated how my baby was treated and there is no apology or sense of remorse from the nanny. I have to deal with all these emotions and continue to take care of my baby. The nanny we hired was mentally unfit as she was being violent towards baby. She is has no sense of remorse and stupidly believed we were too cheap to continue to hire her… She didn’t reflect on her behaviour and work ethics. Such arrogance? Just because the agent was her husband…

I try not to think of others badly. Honestly, what you think of others reflect your real values too…

Integrity, it is put to test when no one is actually looking. Doing the right thing even no one is checking…

No one will take care of your baby as well as yourself. As a mom, you will put baby’s interest first.

I visited a psychiatrist and was told it was too early to diagnose me with depression. I have been through worst but this really hit it hard. It wasn’t me who got hurt. Someone hurt my baby and got away with it.

Decided to disappear in the digital world. Deleted social media accounts and might close down this website too.

Covid-19 is depressing but the behaviours of people disgust me more in 2020.

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