Just when I thought my life as a housewife would be less complicated… I realised I get really annoyed when I have interactions with people.
Firstly, I set many principles or rules in my life to keep things simple. I cut out a lot of people because they were either “toxic” or too complicated.
I am someone who enjoys solitude and socialising would be exhausting. However, I was always told I am very sociable and humorous. I just smile a lot and use humour to cover my expression of anger. Just so I do not look too aggressive.
I hate how this world is so superficial. The first thing people would ask is what is your occupation. As if occupation would define a person’s value. People have certain expectations based on how you look. I am no exception but I try hard not to. I do not ask people personal questions. I do not pry in people’s privacy. Most important of all, I treat people how I want to be treated.
However, most people do not have this common sense. People can be pretty rude, snobbish and self-centred. People have too much pride with no dignity.
Constantly, I need to remind myself to focus on myself and ignore others’ behaviour. How am I able to do it when I am living in this society.
I can surround myself with like-minded people but it seems to me I would be living in a fairytale. I want to be strong, mentally and be able to put my message across to others whenever I want to, yet I struggle. I am not afraid of how others see me because it is something I am not able to control. I struggle because I do not want to make people uncomfortable.
Anger has always been my motivation. For a year in Hong Kong, I seemed to have lose it until recently.
People say I am competitive but I just like to push myself to see how far I can go. Why compare with others when it is never fair to.
Recently, I have a strong desire to shut myself from others. Honestly, I feel tired and disgusted by how some people behave and think. Age is not an issue here. I see both the young and old, doing the same shit…
The best thing happened, a baby saw me, smiled and waved to me. Made my day.
I guess I just need to count my blessings and keep fighting these invisible demons. Stay simple and humble.
Till then…
Jessica Tamaki 