Happy 30th to self

Turning 30 is something I have been looking forward to. Crazy as it may sound but I just think it’s something I should embrace. I looked back at my life and realized everything happens for a reason. I am thankful for all the good and bad.

Love
My first love was 17. He is Taiwanese, couldn’t differentiate between “West” & “Waist”, defiant, smooth talker and persistence. We dated for 4 years. We spent most of our time together. At 20, he wanted to marry me and I said no. At 21, he left for Australia. We did long distance relationship for 3 months before it ended.

I was devastated and cried for 3 weeks. I locked myself up, stop eating and lost interest in everything. I started to doubt myself about staying celibate. I lost 5kg within a month.

One day, I was blogging about how “horrible” my life was and crying. My mom sat beside me and cried quietly. I realized the person who hurt most from my relationship, was my mom. The next day, I started to pack things belonged to him and asked my mom to throw it away for me. I started to focus on myself. Dance was my biggest source of comfort. I met great friends and had a good time performing on stage.

I stopped blaming, I wasn’t prefect. I learnt and become better. Following relationships I had, do not last. Realized I am better off alone. Honestly, I do not want to be hurt and I do not want my mom to be worried.

I pictured myself to be single at 30, working and getting my MBA. I enjoy spending time with myself. Past relationships have made me realized that it is important to find someone who truly respects you and change you for the better.

I rather be single than be with someone just because of the pressure I am getting from parents and friends. I’ve heard so many girls saying that they want to get married before a certain age. I would ask them why and they would say something like it’s their ideal age to get a baby etc. Most of all, if girls do not get married at a certain age, some believed that the girls have some issue…

Being single for 6 years, I became emotionally independent. I don’t need confirmation from someone I like. I just be myself. I buy nice birthday gifts for myself.

My husband was my best friend. We hang out in groups and I realized he is a gentleman. He respects girls, treats people with kindness, humble and sensitive. The real him, I saw it all. No pretentious, no double life.

Career
Previously, did not had a clue what I want to achieve. Struggled. I realized I can’t be a programmer. Working at 4am on a Sunday, that’s not how I want my life to be. Honestly, I don’t like what I was doing. Decided to take part-time degree and things got better after graduation.

Working in P&G was great. Made a few good friends. Realized I need to keep pushing myself and learn from others. Current job made me realized, managing people isn’t that easy. Not all companies are process orientated and one has to be creative when it comes to solutions. Most important of all, grit.

I want to keep pushing myself and be a better employee and manager.

Family & Friends
Thankful for friends who were for there for me when I needed help. Friends of 17 years. Real friends will be honest with you, gives you that reality check. They genuinely want the best for you. Speak up for you when you are not around.

Friends from around the world, that I met in Singapore. Thankful to know them on a personal level, understand their culture, know more about their countries and food.

I learnt that one needs to choose your friends. I don’t need those who tells me having one sexual partner in life in boring and I need to experience more… What kind of advice is that, to a married woman?! I don’t need friends who hate you and bring you down every time. I don’t need those who thinks so highly of themselves and treat people badly. I’ve learnt to cut-off people like that.

Younger self, I wanted to be liked and made friends with everyone. Now, I couldn’t be bothered and choose my friends…

Thank you for my family. I wasn’t the easiest child to manage, for sure. Thank you for such patience. I will need it when it comes to my future kids…

Before 30
How I have changed since birth mentally, emotionally and physically… Interesting to see how I have aged… My motivation in life comes from difficulties I have faced, friends’ perseverance during their difficult times and how I believed things can be so much better if I push myself harder.

collage
After 30
Where do I go from here? I’ve been asking myself this question. I am married and there is still so many things I want to do before having a baby… Sacrifices that I have to make for having a baby. Husband is supportive, thankful.

Happy birthday to myself. Still so much to learn in life… Thank you for everything.

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